Monday, 07 July 2008
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Sex and Dating
How far in a relationship does it become "ok" to have sex? (dum dum DUMMM)
I'm 25 years old. I'm no stranger to this game of sex and dating....but this is always a debate with me and my friends. If you have sex too early, that makes you a (insert sleezy-slang-word of choice here) not to mention the loss of "mystery" yadda yadda yadda.
But gosh, these days, if you keep putting it off, the guy you're with is going to seriously wonder what your problem is?
I mean, OK fine if you are one of those "waiting until marriage" types, well then you state that upfront and your guy is either accepting of the fact, or has already sprinted three blocks by the time you finish your celebacy-schpiel.
I'm asking...so go ahead and leave your comments! I would love to hear some feedback and then I'll blog a little about my own experience on the matter (YES, I do mean juicy details!)
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Comments (11)
Hey, I just wandered over here from Datingish, and while I unfortunately have no answer for you, I would definitely love to know how people respond. I'm 22 and am definitely not the jump-into-bed type. I think I drive guys away because often, it's not likely they're going to get any soon. So, how long into a relationship is it reasonable to wait? Guys, how long are you willing to wait for a girl?
I just think that the time has to be right. That sounds cliche and all that, but my best guess is sometime after the 1st date but before the 5th. That sounds soon I suppose, but I find that any later and there's a myriad of questions the guy will have. It usually begins with "wow, we've been dating over a month.. I guess time flies when you're having a great time with someone, right" and then it quickly segues into "so, I'm not trying to be an ass but, are we ever going to sleep together? I mean, are you okay in *that area*" which eventually leads to the "oh, I didn't recognize it had been so long!" lie. But that's just one of my experiences, kinda funny actually! Anyways, I hope you get lots of feedback =)
I have no idea when its good to jump into bed. I knows some people who will wait till they are married but I also know people who are do it sooner. I myself am still a virgin. Yes, I"m a virgin. Its not because I waiting till marriage its just that I really haven't found anyone i want to go jump into bed with. Most of the guys I know have been with alot of people and they haven't been tested or anything. For me I don't mind being with a guy who has been with other females but I also know that I don't want them to be with too many.
this is probably too general of an answer but i think you should have sex with him/her when YOU personally feel it's time... otherwise wait. i don't know how else to put it... if you never get that feeling.. then i guess you shouldn't do it in the first place with said guy/girl. :P
Haunting your blog via Datingish...
I have to take the easy road on this one and say that it really just depends on you and the other person and all of those maybe circumstances. My male roommate reading over my shoulder says with zero hesitation, three months. This is interesting and has definitely sparked debate in our house. Props!
Hey, thanks for the comment (and the compliment)! I'm very glad other people dance when they're by themselves. And the book is really quite good, I recommend it, especially since it's a very easy read.
On the topic at hand again, I have to agree with the male roommate of the commenter above me - three months is a good time. I know some guys especially might see that as long to wait, but since I think there has to be a strong level of trust and commitment in a relationship before sex really belongs, I think it's hard to get there before three months. Then again, it does depend on the people.
Another creeper from datingish leaving some feedback...
So my thoughts on the issue. I guess it depends on what both parties are expecting out of the relationship or what sex means to them as individuals. Sex is a complicated issue, and people can have very different meanings attached to it. What is simply a physical action of pleasure to some is an expression of the deepest love to others, and its important that both parties have similar expectations and interpretations before the act is performed. My take is that there is no set amount of time, but rather that sex in a relationship should only come after both individuals have sat down together and talked it over at least briefly. I don't think anyone should hold out on sex just because they think that they should hold to some old-fashioned timetable of what's appropriate (hey, if both parties are willing, consenting adults I don't see why its such a problem to express your feelings physically earlier on in the relationship) but its not something to jump into without talking over first either.
Somebody featured this entry in their blog as a guest entry, and it became a featured entry... It has 133 comments.
I really really hope you knew about it. I'd feel really bad if that other person got all that attention for YOUR post. =(
Like the other commentators, I'm jumping across your blog because of Datingish.
With me and my experience, it seems like a personal choice when you're ready to jump to the bed. There are some people who will wait for a month or less and then there are the people who will wait even longer than the month.
It just seems like you need to be comfortable with the other person before you are comfortable enough having them see you naked to put it bluntly.
@Quackalishus@xanga - Oh my goodness I didn't know about this!
@coloradicalchic@xanga - My cousin and I have often discussed the "rule of threes". In theory, at 3 months you should be somewhere close to saying "I love you" and at 3 years you should be somewhere close to marriage. If not, it's most likely time to break up.