When one's husband leaves one on the grounds of "sexual incompatibility," probably the marriage was not based on a deep sense of companionate love.  Had the marriage been so, you and your husband probably would have been able to work through this issue.  I truly believe that people should have a deep friendship and deep sense of love [not just passion] before saying "I do."  I think this will enable them to surmount the obstacles that present themselves within marriage.

I don't know very much about what happened between the two of you, so please do not be upset at my question; I do not mean insult or injury. Was the real  reason he cheated on you because of the quality of sex? I can't help but wondering ifthere wasn't something else, and he used this as the excuse so he wouldn't have to confront the truth; it seems to me that the quality of sex would not be a good reason to justify cheating on one's spouse, though I can imagine it being a source of stress on the marriage. I am so sorry this has happened to you... that's why I haven't commented for days; I just haven't been able to say anything. But I have been praying for you, as that is just about all I can possibly do.

Having never had sex, I cannot begin to imagine how painful this must have been for you. Crumbling marriage and infidelity has hit very close to me (though not nearly so close) and few things break my heart like broken marriage.

However, I still feel that testing compatibility with a potential spouse by having sex before marriage is wrong and invites a whole new avenue for disaster to enter into the relationship. What if the woman becomes pregnant? What if one of them is unfaithful to the other, even in this stage of the relationship? How many people should one "experience" before they settle on one, and should a person being married to another simply be the "next in line" to have them? How can a person give themselves completely to the other if they've already given so much to someone else, or multiple others? Why bother with marriage in the first place if we can just have sex until we "settle" for someone?

Ultimately I believe marriage is not primarily about two people, but about each person and God. God calls a man and a woman together in marriage to serve Him by serving each other. The man serves God by serving his wife and being faithful to her and loving her as he does God, the woman serves God by serving her husband and being faithful to him and loving him as she does God, and both serve God further by serving, loving and being faithful to the children God might bless them with.

From what little you have shared (and I do not expect you to share any more than you ever want to), you were faithful to God in your marriage, and God bless you for this. I pray that His grace will help you to remain faithful to Him until such time that He leads you to a good man who will love you beyond simply sex, for you are Woman and are beautiful and an amazing revelation of God's beauty, wrought in the world so a loving man might praise, reverence and serve God by offering the same to you.

Again, I beg your forgiveness if anything I have said upsets or offends you; I simply do not know yet how to speak in such circumstances and about such sad things. You have my continued prayers.

It's unfortunate that your ex-husband cared more about sex than he did about you.  You can't blame yourself for that, and you can't take responsibility for his disloyalty.  Those were his choices to make, not yours.

Don't regret your choices. Choose to learn from them.  Sex is obviously a really interesting subject to you, and you seem to be really confused (from your other posts) about what you should be doing, and what's okay.

I grew up in a Catholic church. I also signed papers that swore chastity. I had a little pledge card that I kept in my wallet.  When I went to college though, I realized something. I was restless.  VERY restless.  Being sexually frustrated and restless is dangerous.  I found myself more willing to do more things than I'd never done before, and it scared me.  I had to control my physical inclinations.  When the time came that I genuinely wanted to have sex with a particular guy, it was very hard for me.  All of the years of people telling me that sex is bad, and the horrible consequences (i.e. babies, disease, and hell), had instilled a fear in me that took months of work and patience on the part of the guy to help me overcome.

Don't let people tell you sex is bad, or that you should wait.  You should have sex when you're sure you want to have sex.  If factors like marraige, love, and time are important to you, that's fine, but if they aren't important, don't let other people tell you that they are. It's your body, your choice, and your life.  Do what makes you happy, and what makes you comfortable.

I let other people tell me what was okay, and the fear that was drilled into my mind by others only led to some very painful and scary experiences for me that I had to push through to grow.  Those other people don't have to deal with the thoughts and experiences that you do. So you should do what YOU are comfortable with. And screw everybody else. They can take their pretentious close-minded opinions and shove-it.